Sonic and Tails go to Hooters
by Dogs Bower
Summary: It's Sonic's birthday and it will be a very special celebration.


**Sonic and Tails go to Hooters**

Sonic was a hedgehog. He was blue and ran very fast. He had spikes. Many spikes. He could use them to stab people who were his enemies like that fat scientist guy who hates everyone except robots and he yells a lot. His friend was Tails who was a fox who had two tails due to an unnatural childbirth mutation. He didn't mind being called a freak sometimes because his friends would always stick up for him so he didn't develop low self esteem.

It was Sonic's birthday and he and Tails were celebrating. Sonic wanted to go to a restaurant where the ladies all wear the same outfit and have amble breasts for viewing. And they serve great barbecued hot wings and lesbians often go there too. So they went. It didn't take long because Sonic runs faster than the speed of sound and he doesn't need to drive a car or other form of transportation even though sometimes the games belittle this idea for merchandising reasons and because stupid furfags will buy anything with Sonic on it even if the entire concept rapes everything Sonic the hedgehog once stood for. But let us disregard this and continue.

Sonic and Tails got to the restaurant and stopped. Tails looked up at the sign and got confused.

"Hooters? What is this Sonic?" asked Tails.

"This is one of my favorite restaurants Tails. It's called Hooters," Sonic said to him.

"Do they serve food made from owls?" asked Tails.

"No silly!" Sonic laughed to him. "They don't have anything that has owls in it on the menu but they do have really good chicken. They also have chili dogs! Let's go in."

Sonic and Tails went in the Hooters and got a table. They sat down and took the menus and Sonic ordered some drinks when the really hot blond busty babe came over to wait on them.

"So what do you want to eat Tails? I'm buying so pick anything you want," said Sonic.

"But it's your birthday Sonic. I should be buying for you," said Tails with a sad look.

"Oh Tails. Your so nice and sweet but you don't have any money!" laughed Sonic. "Besides I'm rich anyway so I can pay for my friend's things."

"Okay," said Tails. But he was sad because being so poor meant he also didn't have anything to give Sonic for his birthday except a card he drew but he couldn't draw so it was really shitty and looked as though an autistic thirteen year old tartlet had drawn it. He put glitter sparkles and macaroni on it to try and cover up the image that had been thoroughly raped with the dodge tool and lens flare but it did not work out so well.

"I have to go to the bathroom, Sonic," said Tails. He got up.

"Okay, but hurry back because our smoking hot waitress will be back any minute to take our orders and I'm afraid if I'm left alone with her I might bend her right over this fucking table and hit that shit until it breaks," laughed Sonic.

Tails ran off to the bathroom but he was secretly only pretending to go for the bathroom. He went outside and looked around. Then he went to local gas station bathrooms and looked around until he found a willing customer. Then he left the gas station and went behind the Denny's to find more people to do favors for for money. And then he went to the local truck stop eatery and found tons of grubby bears and leather daddies with wallets as fat and full as their hairy man sacks. So after only ten minutes he had gathered up almost 100 dollars and went to the local bakery and got a surprise gift for Sonic. Then he ran all the way back to Hooters and sneaked around and saw Sonic was too busy ogling the next table over's waitresses milk jugs to see him and came back and took his seat and placed the gift box under the table. Sonic turned and noticed him coming back again.

"Oh there you are Tails. What took you so long, little guy?" Sonic laughed again.

"I had to take a really big dump," said Tails while shrugging.

"Oh yeah. Did it hurt? I hate when mine hurt and there's still chunks of it left in there and its hard to get out even when you're grunting and squeezing for a whole hour," said Sonic.

"Yeah me too. No it didn't hurt," said Tails happily. "Hey Sonic. I know you didn't expect me to have gotten you anything but I really did! Look," Tails said and he brought out the gift box.

"Holy shit Tails! That's a big box. How did you get any money? Did your monthly tugboat application finally go in? I would have thought for sure you'd gotten rejected," marveled Sonic.

"Ha ha ha. No!" said Tails. "I just have my ways. Here open it."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" said Sonic happily and he took the gift box and ripped it open and looked inside. "OH WOW! It's an ass cake!" shouted Sonic. "Those are my fucking favorites!"

Inside the gift box was a really nice ass cake that was lovingly hand crafted and covered in delicious frosting and had a little bit of chocolate frosting on it for poop because it was funny but there was also white frosting on it because there was a penis cake on the side going into the ass cake because it was also funny.

"I love you, Tails! You're an awesome special friend!" congratulated Sonic. "Oh wait, you got some frosting on your lips! Tails, you naughty boy. You licked some of my cake?" Sonic laughed and wiped off the side of Tail's mouth with his finger and then put it in his own mouth.

"Sonic, wait!" Tails was going to say something but Sonic put the sticky covered finger in his mouth and sucked on it.

"Mmm. This frosting tastes great. Kind of like my Uncle Chuck used to make," said Sonic.

"Oh Sonic!" laughed Tails.

"Oh Tails!" laughed Sonic back.

And then they both laughed together. And then a waitress came by but she tripped on the carpet and fell smashing the plate of glasses she was carrying into her face and bled because glass was in her eyes and they had to call the paramedics to take her to the hospital. But everyone laughed anyway because it was still funny because it didn't happen to them.

But sadly Tails ended up getting HIV. And Sonic did, too. And he wondered why.

**The End**


End file.
